Chapter One

Tina stared out the window. They had been here at the arena for the better part of an hour now. It had been a long tour, and she would be glad to finally go home while they continued the tour in Europe. She almost wished they hadn't hired her on to work on 'the book'. She smiled. The book was all about life on the road with the Backstreet Boys...with exclusive 'behind the scenes' pics she had taken herself. A soft chuckle escaped her as she thought of the pic of Nick in his briefs, staggering down the hallway half asleep.

One glance over her shoulder confirmed what she'd already known. The guys were still scarfing down breakfast.

She couldn't eat. Every time she looked at food, her belly rolled in protest. Just the smell of the sausage was driving her crazy. She ran a hand through her hair. This had been going on for the better part of a month now. At first she put it down to all the fast food finally catching up with her. After all, life on the road was far from easy. Then Mindi had made a comment about running out to pick up some tampons. That's when Tina clued in.

She was afraid she was pregnant.

She sighed as she turned back to the window. Hopeless, she thought, staring out at the empty parking lot surrounding the arena.

"Penny for your thoughts," AJ said, coming up and sliding his arms around her waist.

"Just tired," she lied, leaning back into his embrace. She would enjoy it while she could. Only twenty four more hours, and then...then it would be over.

Tina turned as she heard chairs scraping back. Kevin stood, stretched. "I'm going to go tune up. Anyone going to join me?"

Nick nodded assent, yawning hugely as he rose from the table.

Brian shook his head, unable to speak past his mouth full of food.

Howie and Kat shared a smile. "Maybe in a little while," Howie said, squeezing Kat's hand.

Tina bit back a groan at the stab of jealousy. Howie loved Kat, it was so plain to see. And she loved him. If only AJ...she shook away the thought. "I'll come," she said, stepping out of AJ's arms. She turned with a smile she really didn't feel. "You coming?"

"Later," he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek before heading back to the table. "There's still an Egg McMuffin over here calling my name."

Tina watched him a long moment, her heart in her eyes, and swallowing hard, followed Kevin and Nick from the room.

"You still leaving tomorrow?" Nick asked, falling in step with her.

She nodded. "I have to."

There was an awkward silence. "You could stay...help me work on my webpage?"

Tina chuckled mirthlessly. "You can run rings around me with all you know about computers. You don't need my help." She smiled up at him then. "But thanks."

Kevin slowed down so the three were walking abreast. "He doesn't want you to leave."

She knew that. She and AJ had had one hell of a fight about it the night before. But she couldn't stay. And if she was right about being pregnant, there was no way in hell she was going to finish the tour and let him find out. It was hopeless anyway. Better to just move on.

And if she was right, she'd have something to remember him by.

"I know, Kev," she found herself saying. "But it doesn't change anything."

"He loves..."

Tina grabbed Kevin's arm, stopping him midsentence. "No, Kev, he doesn't. Now let it go."

Both Kevin and Nick stared at her. "What do you mean 'he doesn't'? How..."

She glared at Nick. His words bringing to the fore all the memories. How many nights had he called out Amanda's name in his sleep? How many times had it been Amanda's name on his lips instead of hers. Well, she only had twenty four more hours or so with them, might as well let them know the bitter truth. "He still loves Amanda." Both men exchanged a look, then turned back to her. The sympathy, and pity, in their gazes was too much. "C'mon," she said, turning away and heading once more for the stage. "Let's make some music."

Tina wandered over the stage as Kevin sat at the piano, and Nick went automatically to his beloved drums. Kevin flexed his long fingers, then looked over to Tina. "Join me?" he asked, scooting over a bit so she could sit on the bench with him.

With a sigh, Tina joined him at the piano. Kevin's fingers moved over the keys, and she felt a lump in her throat. "Sing," he ordered softly.

She took a deep breath, and let the words come...

**"Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.

"'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't.
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. One hand rested on Kevin's arm as he played. Tears misted her eyes, and she closed them, fighting the urge to weep.

She never noticed Howie and Kat walking up to the stage with Brian a step behind. AJ numbly followed them, his gaze locked on her.

"I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin' me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me 'til then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.

"'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me...if you don't."

Her voice broke on the last words. The music faded from her ears, and she felt Kevin's strong arms go around her. She cried against his chest, clutching his shirt.

The scattered applause jerked her out of his arms. She hastily wiped the tears from her eyes. Brian, Howie and Kat climbed up on stage. "Didn't know you could sing so well, Tas," Kat commented.

"Me either," Tina said, rising from the piano bench. The mad urge to flee was overpowering. She needed to be alone...now. She started for the edge of the stage, then stopped dead.

AJ stood there, watching her.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she hurried past him. Later, she promised herself, she'd talk to him later.

He caught up with her as she was heading for the buses. "Wait!" One hand on her arm turned her to face him. "Tina..."

The tears were flowing again. "Alex..." she swallowed hard, running one hand through her dark hair. "Just twenty four more hours, I keep telling myself that's all we have left."

"It doesn't have to be," he said, trying to pull her into his arms.

She stepped back, shaking her head. "Yes, it does."

He managed to pull her in his arms, refusing to let go as she struggled to get free. "Why?"

"You don't love me," she whispered brokenly, sagging against him.

He held her, one hand idly stroking her back. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

She swallowed hard, leaning back in his arms to meet his gaze. "Me, too."

He leaned down, kissing away the tear that trickled down her cheek. "We still have tonight," he said.

She nodded, forcing her hands to not run over his arms, and stepped back. "Tonight," she agreed. Tonight they'd make memories that would have to hold her.

And maybe, it would be HER name on his lips.