Part 2

JOURNAL ENTRY SEPT 17TH, 2002 - cont.

Okay, I'm back. Damn. I so needed this cup of chamomile. Nerves are totally shot. So glad everyone is asleep, too. Even Max is asleep, and he never sleeps...keeps me up all night.

Max is my ferret, by the way. Don't think I ever mentioned him. He was a birthday present from Sean. He usually sits on my shoulders and watches as I type. Not tonight, though. He's passed out, sound asleep on the chair that sits at the foot of my favorite poster of Alex.

Where was I?

Oh, yes...Alex invited me up to his room. He and Nick had something to talk to me about.

What in the world could Alex and Nick have to talk to me about? I had wondered. I mean, I know I didn't miss the signals coming from Alex since we sat together in Trina's office. He was as attracted to me as I was to him. So what the hell did Nick, Nick of all people, have to do with anything?

So, I followed Alex up to his room. Alex on one side, Nick on the other. More totally inane conversation in the elevator. Couldn't really tell you what it was. Of course, I was busy trying not to hum the song, Love in an Elevator, by Aerosmith. Gee, wonder why I had that going through my mind!

Anyway...Alex's room. How can I put this kindly...it was a disaster area!!! I have never in my life known a grown man with so many clothes!!! I know I read somewhere that Alex was messy, but...damn!

So, once we cleared off a place to sit (there were chairs under the clothes after all!), I found myself sitting across from Alex and Nick.

The conversation turned to my fan fics. How did I find my inspiration for them? They really wanted to know about one in particular...one where I had Alex and Nick as lovers.

I told them the truth. Sometimes rumors inspired ideas for fics. About the time Denise had broken the news of Alex's engagement (how I actually managed to say the word without throwing up, I have no idea...the very thought of him marrying her!!!), there was a rumor going around that Alex and Nick were lovers. Of course, I had joked that the 'engagement' was just to forstall the rumor...then the engagement turned out to be real and...

I trailed off, noting the shared glances between them. Nick had merely nodded, then leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "Tas," he whispered, "it's not just a rumor."

And as I sat there processing that little bit of information, Nick left the room.

"You okay?" Alex had asked. He'd taken off his glasses when we'd entered the room, and those dark eyes now bore into mine.

"Fine," I croaked. Shit, I thought, it wasn't just a rumor. Images flashed through my brain, and I bit back a groan. I shook my head. No, I thought, don't go there...but, of course, you know I had to. "Alex?"

"Yeah?" he answered warily.

"Does Sarah know..."

I never finished because Alex shook his head. "No...never told her."

Why that should floor me more than the actual thought of Alex and Nick as lovers, I'm still not sure. I stared at him for a long moment, then asked softly, "why tell me?"

"You're different," he said simply.

Now, I've always known I was different. That freak that got picked on in school, yeah, that was me. I've always been different. That didn't answer my question. "Alex, I don't understand."

He sighed as he rose. He started to pace, removed his dark blue shirt and tossed it aside. I swallowed hard. Alex wearing a white beater...those tattoos...I shook my head, forcing myself to concentrate on his words as he spoke, "When I first started reading your fics," he shook his head, "you were still calling me AJ."

"But that was years ago," I replied, thinking that it was three years to be exact. I'm not sure exactly when he became Alex to me, but...when I first started writing, he was AJ.

Alex's dark eyes met mine, and I shivered. "I know. I've been reading your fics since you left that one in my mailbox a couple of years ago."

Damn, I thought, forgot about that. It had been a short fic, a funny one, that I'd left in his mailbox after the Johnny Suede show.

He continued, "Along the line, I went from being AJ to Alex." He crossed over to me, knelt in front of me. I forced myself not to close my eyes. Damn. So close. And I wanted him. To hell with Sarah...with anyone and everyone. He was here, in front of me, his arousal evident. My hands gripped the arms of my chair a little tighter as his hands lightly rested on my thighs as he continued, "The stories changed. You accepted me. No matter what I did in the stories...you always, always loved me."

"Stories," I whispered, drowning in the dark depths of his eyes. "It didn't matter if I loved you or not...I never thought..."

"Never thought what?" he asked as my voice trailed off.

"First there was Amanda...you nearly married her...now Sarah...and you're going to marry her...Valentine's Day."

"Am I?" he asked, his hands sliding up my thighs to my waist, leaving twin trails of fire in his wake. His fingers toyed with the button closure of my jeans.

"Are you what?" I asked, finding it hard to concentrate. He managed to undo the button, and tugged my shirt out of my jeans. His hands crawled up my bare belly. I shivered.

"Marrying Sarah," he replied.

His nimble fingers found the front clasp to my bra and were busily undoing it. I gasped as the bra came free, and his hands cupped my breasts. "I dunno," I murmured, lost in his touch. Hard to describe his hands. Calluses...from playing guitar? From playing piano? Wasn't sure...but they were there. Still, there was a softness, too. I bit back a groan. "Are you marrying Sarah?" I somehow managed to ask.

"I don't know anymore," Alex had answered honestly, then before I had time to assimilate that information, he kissed me.

Shit...I spilled the chamomile...damn...be right back.